The Morning Paper
[Temporarily] Suspended

My Apologies
I'm incredibly thoughtless and lazy.



maystar * designs

Friday, February 28, 2003

Oh, the memories.

For the strangers visiting the site, I'm not the one falling, I'm the one laughing closest to the camera

Thursday, February 27, 2003

Another note to Greg: Hurrah! Alright, well, the ticket costs $30.50. Alright?

Geezers Need Excitement

Have you ever heard of a white British rapper who enunciates every syllable? Mike Skinner of the Streets is who I'm referring to. In my opinion, he's a fucking genius. Unfortunately, I haven't heard the entire album yet, but from what I've heard - it's awesome. Original Pirate Material is hilarious. At first listen you might be a tad annoyed that the vocals sometimes don't go with the tempo but then, it's impossible to get the song out of your head.
Mike Skinner is a genius
To quote from (which is what I've basically been paraphrasing this entire time):
..Skinner's race and nationality will probably earn The Streets a spot on the "safe hip-hop for indie rockers list" this year..
Seriously, the constant use of the words "geezer" and "oi" is pure genius.

I love Mike Skinner.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Special note to Greg: Hurry up and ask if you can go because it's only fair if you're the first one to be for-sure. (If you aren't, I'll say you were). Plus, Julian can't buy his other tickets until he gets rid of this one.

Who Loves the Sun?

Oh Lou Reed, you're a genius.

Why is it that every single thing a person does is for the benifit of themselves? In human nature, there is no such thing as selfless. Donating to charity? A simple way to make you look like a good person. A simple way to alieviate your guilt. Constantly, people are being used for anothers benifit.
My point was, if I had intended to have a point, that people suck. They really do. I hate people. Oh, look at me referring to people as if I'm not one. The truth is, I am. So, in other words, I hate myself. It's true. I do. I'm just like all the rest. Just like you. Just like Grumpy Harry who lives across the street from me. Wow, look at all the fragments in today's entry.

The moral of the story is there is no moral.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

If we can land a man on the moon then surely I can win your heart.

Oh Beulah, you so wrong.
It doesn't matter how much in common you have with a person, if there's someone else with huge tits... there is no competition. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in this situation, per say. You see, I just find it ironic that a certain someone has nothing in common with her boyfriend but I have about ten thousand things in common with him. Again, I don't like him or anything, it's just funny, is all.

Speaking of them, a certain someone else backed out of going to the Matt Good concert so I have to recruit someone. I was thinking of the certain someone's boyfriend, but that might be trouble.
A) They could be making out the entire time, ruining the atmosphere.
B) They might be broken up at the time. Who knows if it will be a clean break-up?

Oy... I don't know anyone else that can actually enjoy the music. Damn you certain someone else!

Saturday, February 22, 2003

What do Ferris Beuler and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have in common?

Absolutely nothing.
I apologize for not being able to carry out your "topic" choices, guys.

My topic choice for today is *drum roll* body image. Frankly, the majority of people who shouldn't be worried about this are and the majority of people who should be aren't. Me, I should be worried and I am. I've always been part of the minority. Anyway, I am not the subject, the people I want to focus on today are the former mentioned people - The worried who shouldn't be. "How's my hair?" " Did I get something on my face?" "Do I look fat in this?". Fuck! You look great! Just fucking stop rubbing it in my face! Well, since I didn't write as much as I thought, I'll talk about the people who should worry. You've seen these people before. They don't pluck their eyebrows, wash their hair as little as possible and wear shirts 10x their actual size. Some of these people could actually get dates if they just bathed every two days. Really, it's sad. It doesn't hurt to try.

She has hope. More than hope, actually.

As for me, I have nothing.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

You Bad Seed.

Most guys think it's considered sexy for them to be all macho and break the rules. Maybe this is the case for fuckwit girls with crumpled up newspaper for brains, but not for semi-intelligent girls. Really, by starting inane fights for reasons like "he be in my territory" or "he be lookin' at me with his eyes" you only look/sound/are like an idiot. When you get suspended from school because of these fights, that really shows me how truly moronic you are. Very few people can get away with this "boyish charm". One who just happens to be Ferris Beuler. My hero. You see, his boyish charm isn't mindless clobbering, it's just plain charming. Tee hee.

Now, for Lauren's sake, I will throw a random picture of Sponge Bob Squarepants in and attempt to tie him into this subject. Err.. He's a boy who... err.. gets into a lot of trouble... like the episode he gets charged for indecent exposure. Or should have, at least.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

I'm A Nerd.

Yes, it's the absolute truth (absolut if you want to be a dumbass vodka company). I have the same thirst for knowledge as many nerds would have. I am taking a latin course. I enjoy anything to do with the English school subject. I am a nerd. Thankfully, I don't hang out with nerds. I can hide the fact that I am a nerd because of my un-nerdy friends. Of course, there are many types of nerds. I will try my best to generalize these nerd groups just enough so that you can relate.

1. Big Momma Nerd - most of the time, this nerd is seen all alone. Not even the other nerds want to be seen with big momma. This type tells him/herself that his/her lonliness is by choice when it's obviously caused by sheer ugliness.
2. Super-Achieving Nerd - there are plenty, plenty of these kind. They are mostly seen in small groups eating their lunches from thermoses and discussing math homework. Most of the time, they aren't seen with the opposite sex.
3. Closet Nerd - I fall into this category. We, the closet nerds, usually don't realize we're nerds until later in life. We enjoy the learning aspect of school but not so much the homework. We are often guised as semi-cool people but are easy to see-through.

Bill Nye is a nerd.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

Don't show you're desperate...

Recently, I was asked to semi by someone who had asked about 20 other girls before me. Hell, if you're desperate, guy, learn how to hide it. Me, I'm desperate. You don't see me asking 20 guys to semi just to get my confidence shattered. What I do, see, is think that every damn thing I see is hot. That way, I have more of a chance to get some action.

He's hot.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Tomorrow is death.

It's the day I've been fearing all week. Why do people take the time to tell everyone they love that they love them on this one day? Why not every day? How about every other day? C'mon folks! Why make ugly and stupid people feel like shit? Why give millions to Hallmark and similar companies? Why has the past few sentences been questions? Anyway, nobody even knows the origin of Valentine's Day anymore.

Basically, Valentine's Day is on the 14th of February because it is halfway through the 2nd month of the year, which is when birds fuck.

How romantic.
You dirty bastards.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Whoop dee doo.

I have purchased my Matt Good tickets for April 11th. It's a Friday, so I guess I have to do my school work. Oh pooh.

Err... I'm not in the writing mood. Just re-read the Dr. Phil entry for entertainment.

Monday, February 10, 2003

That pre-fix is false! FALSE!

I got into my car a while ago to find a Dr. Phil cassette titled "Relationship Rescue". Okay, a note to my parents, if you want someone to rescue your relationship, I wouldn't trust Dr. Phil. First off, I'm pretty sure he hasn't had a relationship in quite some time. Second, he's not a real fucking doctor! What does he have a Ph.D. in? Bullshitting? Seriously, take a look at him, people. He's just some American shmuck in a suit.

He doesn't know ANYTHING! Anything that Oprah pulls out of her ass is crap. CRAP!

Just face the music people.

Sunday, February 09, 2003


Did that get your attention?

I have a question. If someone constantly asks if you want to say something, send those quizzes through email that ask if you have ever had a crush on them and then greets you with "Hey you", does that mean they think you like them? Meh, just a hypothetical question. HYPOTHETICAL!

Oh the wonders of money. My mother will pay me $95 cash if I clean the house. With that money, I will pay for semi and everything that goes with semi. Whoo, way to work for nothing.

I should be working on my Latin right now, but I could care less about a one page journal entry. Ha.

Love is in the air...

Oh wait, it's not. I see no one around me showing their love. I see people flaunting that they have someone to fuck around with, but no love is present. It's a sad world we live in. We all want sex and most of us aren't good-looking enough to get it. The people that are know it and show it. So, why am I so disappointed in this system? Because I am one of the many not-good-looking-enough people. What am I going to do about it? Nothing. There is nothing I can do, the die is cast. 70% of people won't ever find a good fuck-around-buddy or one at all. Well, boo hoo, we'll have to settle for love.
How horrible.

Friday, February 07, 2003

Popular Mechanics For Lovers

I think it's about time a post is mostly dedicated to the likes of the music I like. I mean, most of my posts have song lyrics in them and even my blog title is a lyric. So, I will make a list of bands that should get some credit. This list is in alphabetical order.

Badly Drawn Boy - they made the soundtrack for About A Boy; they make very happy music.
Beulah - the title of this post is a song of theirs; they are very much indie pop.
Broken Social Scene - from our very own Toronto; unique band.
Clinic - vocalists voice quite high; the second line has no real words - it's pure gibberish.
Flaming Lips, The - a lot of their songs seem to be about robots; very emotional music.
Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights is one of the best albums of 2002; very rock and roll, baby.
Microphones, The - Mt. Eerie is probably the longest song I've ever heard; again, very rock and roll, baby.
Pavement - I've never heard a bad song by them; my blog title is from stereo by them.
Smog - Bill Calahan's voice is hypnotic; very mellow most of the time.

Ah, that's all I can think of right now.

What is wrong with you people? I haven't gotten a "say what you want" in ages! Are my posts not worth commenting on? What have you to lose? C'mon, I though yesterdays post about the pulling down of pants was comment-worthy. Oh whatever, you snobs.

Thursday, February 06, 2003


No no, I'm not talking about venerial disease. What I'm talking about is much, much worse. Valentine's Day. In a week and a day, that day will come. Why is it that so many eligable people are left alone on this day? And why aren't the male eligable people with me?
Hi, I'm single.

Apparently, there will be a couple of fights tomorrow at UHS. How ridiculous. Come on people, why don't you just fucking pull down your pants to show who's balls are bigger. I would enjoy that much, much more. Think about it. It would be much more efficient.
#1 - It takes less time.
#2 - No harm is done (except for the little one's ego and love life).

But hey, I'm desperate. I'll go for the little one.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

I recently came across some guy that got my email somehow. His MSN name was and still is "Ðöñ't hätë thë pläÿä hätë thë Gämë". I don't even know where to start with that name. First of all, all that shit all over the letters doesn't make it look prettier, it makes you look like a dumbass. Second of all, what game is he referring to? Is horribly scarring all the people you fuck around with a game now? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a wonderful person. I mean, last time he messaged me, he greeted me with a lovely "Do u got big tits?" Now, that's something I'd like to hear everyday. Of course, you can't leave out the classic "Do u got a tite ass?" I especially love how he changes his age every so often.
Feel free to harrass this guy all you want. His email address is
Tell him the big titted, tight assed girl gave you his email address.

My mother has returned from the hospital. She is waddling around the house and is taking very strong pain killers. That's the life for me. One of these days... one day.

For english, I'm supposed to write a poem about something that only happens in dreams. My original poem was going to be
Only in dreams can I write good poems
Then I changed it to
Only in dreams can angsty goth kids write good poems
I think I should make it a little longer though. You know, to expand on how much I hate angsty goth poems. Just like this one:
To avoid facing up to reality
That’s just my mentality
I am into self-denial
I cough up phlegm and bile
I am going to try starvation
In the hope of salvation

Beautiful, really.

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

What the hell?

Now that I have a counter, I see how unpopular my site really is. I guess I can understand - it's a boring site run by a boring person. And please, to the people that do come here, don't refresh the page a million times. I want accurate readings. As acurate as Ms. Cleo's.

Oh, and by the by, Maddox has updated recently so if you want, check out the best page in the universe on my links column.
By the time you read this, it will have been too late....
Haha... classic. Well, you won't get it until you read the cards, asshole. So do it!

Ack, almost forgot! My mother is fine for all of you pricks who didn't care.

Hah, I changed the sites name. If anyone can guess where it's from, you get a zillion dollars* and my respect. Which is more useless?
Well, does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more hits? Please?
Suggestion Box below.

*these dollars cannot be used to purchase any goods or services.

Monday, February 03, 2003

Gladius = Penis/Sword

Man, oh man. Today was the first day of second semester. My math class is horrible. I don't have any friends in the class and the teacher has the personality of a doorknob. He would throw little "jokes"(I use the term loosely) around expecting a reaction. Of course, all he got was the sound of me groaning for the 100th time. Oh but he's an amazingly nice guy, though. He let us out 3 minutes early! Imagine that! Of course, he made it clear that something like that wasn't going to happen ever again and we shouldn't ask him. Ever.

My latin class wasn't as bad. My teacher has a personality. We watched a film about the Romans and it turns out the term Gladiator comes from the latin word meaning penis. Or was it sword?

Wow, look at his penis sword.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

My Mother

In two days, she will be under the knife. She will spend the night at the hospital. Finally, I'll get a break from her. When she gets back, she'll be doped up on morphine and some such drugs.

That ought to be fun.

Oh and, my mother and I were having an argument about well, the throwing chicken accident. I said to her "Well, you were acting my age, so I had to go back a few years too!"
My father enjoyed that one.

Don't you think my mother is perdy? What an angel.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

Oh my god, oh your god, oh his god, oh her god, it's everybody's god

Last night was pretty cool. Lauren, Olivia and Greg slept over here and ate smartfood. The entire basement reeks of cheese now.
Mmm.. Cheesy.

Oh no, bad news! My sister, Elizabeth, has injured herself. She was making kraft dinner in the common room and slipped on the package of cheese. She dislocated her knee cap and pulled some tendents or something. Poor her. The doctor also said she had floppy kneecaps. Really, that's good to know.
You delicious devil...

Oh no, more bad news. The Columbia shuttle crash. Man, that was really terrible. How could anyone believe it was a terrorist attack? It'd make more sense if it was a space creature attack. Fuck, it exploded not too far from the edge of earth's atmosphere. Did a terrorist group design a super duper missile that could shoot millions of miles in the air without being detected and hit the object precisely. I bloodly doubt the taliban would arse themselves to come up with that.
This little fella will destroy space shuttles and then the world.

Today at dinner, my mother offended me so I threw a chunk of chicken at her. I wish I could tell you how she offended me but just to save her face, I can't.
Take this, bitch.