The Morning Paper
[Temporarily] Suspended

My Apologies
I'm incredibly thoughtless and lazy.



maystar * designs

Friday, June 27, 2003

Talkin' Shit About a Pretty Sunset is OVERUSED

It has come to my attention that there are several other online journals with the exact same title as mine. Therefore, it is time to get a new one. I am going to need the help of my regulars plus the casual drop-ins.

The options are:

1. Maybe its because I eat a lot of oranges
2. Heaven is a truck
3. The world watched and did nothing
4. You might stare, but I'd prefer that wouldn't
5. Speak Soft and Think Loud
6. The Morning Paper
7. I Was a Stranger
8. Forgotten Foundation

Man, this is hard and these suck. I can't think of anything.

Ideas, anyone? Please?

Sunday, June 22, 2003

So, Summer's Here
And my legs are pasty white.

Despite the fact that west nile is loose in some nearby parts, I welcome summer with open arms. My lily white skin needs to up a shade or two so I look a little less sick/asian/goth/emo.

So what is in store for Andrea during the summer? Well, I'm glad you asked!

1. Getting Julian and Greg drunk. My first priority because Julian looks the giddy type of drunk. Tee hee.
2. Staying up late. Things look best in the dark.
3. Sleeping in. Staying up late has its drawbacks. Sleep deprivation being one of them.
4. Lots and lots of sleepovers with Greg, Lauren and Olivia. Too bad Lauren has work, though, so they can only be on weekends. Boo hoo.
5. Of course, getting myself drunk. Who could forget the last time... Boxhead - "I AM CONTENT WITH THE CURRENT STATE OF MY DRUNKENNESS!"
(P.S. I was boxhead)
6. Letting everything I learned in school slip away... I'm halfway there.
7. Constantly shaving. I will be swimming often.
8. Going to the Dismemberment Plan show. Hopefully Travis Morrison's nephew will be there to dance for us. CLICK
9. Making more lists like this for my blog. Who doesn't enjoy Andrea's lists?
10. Reading everyone elses blogs and spending countless hours on the internet. Oh, the 21st century.

Basically, I'll be doing nothing productive.

Woo hoo.

Friday, June 20, 2003

Just 'Cause Everyone Else is Doing It

>:x: name = Andrea
>:x: piercings = 2 in each ear
>:x: tattoos = None, I do not like to poison my body.
>:x: height = 5'1" and a half.
>:x: shoe size = 6
>:x: hair color = Brown
>:x: length = Short
>:x: siblings = Elizabeth and Catherine (sisters)
>:x: movie you rented = I forget
>:x: movie you bought = donnie darko for Liz
>:x: song you listened to = Centaur by Buck 65
>:x: song that was stuck in your head = read: above
>:x: cd you bought = (to be disclosed later - tis a present)
>:x: cd you listened to = Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted
>:x: person you've called = Lauren
>:x: person that's called you = Olivia
>:x: tv show you've watched = Don't remember.... so long ago
>:x: person you were thinking of = Lauren, she just said "NOOOOOOO"
>:x: you have a bf or gf = No
>:x: you have a crush on someone = crushes are so grade one - either you want to do someone or you don't
>:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = England
>:x: you think about suicide = No
>:x: you believe in online dating = No, it is for lonely fat men pretending to be horny girls.
>:x: others find you attractive = Most likely, no
>:x: you want more piercings = yep
>:x: you drink = occationally
>:x: you do drugs = No siree
>:x: you smoke = No way
>:x: you like cleaning = Look at my room and you tell me.
>:x: you like roller coasters = YES!
>:x: you write in cursive or print = Print
>:x: you carry a donor card = I used to carry a void one, my little sister signed it (shes a minor)
>:x: long distance relationships = Against it... how is the world supposed to procreate while living across the sea from a spouse?
>:x: using someone = Against. .
>:x: killing people = Against
>:x: teenage smoking = Meh, their lungs
>:x: premarital sex = For (I'm needy)
>:x: driving drunk = Against.
>:x: gay/lesbian relationship = For as long as I'm not involved
>:x: soap operas = For. If it weren't for them, the lonely housewives would have affairs.
>:x: food = SPAGHETTI!
>:x: song = Too many...
>:x: thing to do = listen to musique
>:x: thing to talk about = musique (I'm one-dimensional)
>:x: sports = what?
>:x: drinks = ROOT BEER
>:x: clothes = meh
>:x: movies = Donnie Darko, Ghost World, Robin Hood Men in Tights
>:x: band/singer = as of now, Dismemberment Plan
>:x: holiday = Easter
>:x: new nerdy saying = N/A
>:x: ever cried over a guy = several times
>:x: ever lied to someone = yes
>:x: ever been in a fist fight = No
>:x: ever been arrested = No
>:x: of times I have been in love? = Dunno, never?
>:x: of times I have had my heart broken? Several times
>:x: of hearts I have broken? = Uhh... 4...5...6?
>:x: of girls I have kissed? = none
>:x: of boys I have kissed? = 6 or more....
>:x: of drugs taken illegally? = none
>:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life = wha??
>:x: of people I consider my enemies? = What, am I some type of superhero? Yeah, my enemy is SKELETOR
>:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = never
>:x: of scars on my body? = over 4
>:x: of things in my past that I regret? = Everything worked out, no regrets.
>:x: disney movie = LionKing
>:x: scent = Macaroni and Cheese
>:x: word = Goiter.
>:x: nickname = Dr. Drea
>:x: guy name = Nigel
>:x: girl name = uhh... Augule
>:x: eye color = Blue
>:x: flower = Orchid
>:x: piercing = Lip ring
>:x: actress = ah... she... uh... dunno
>:x: pretty = No
>:x: funny = Some people say I'm the funniest person they know. They don't know many people.
>:x: hot = No
>:x: friendly = I can be
>:x: amusing = sometimes
>:x: ugly = Kind of
>:x: loveable = I can be
>:x: pessimistic = no
>:x: optimistic = no
>:x: caring = sometimes
>:x: sweet = maybe
>:x: dorky = Absolutely
>:x: Spell your first name back wards x: aerdnA
>:x: The story behind your user name x: Yaargh --> I was frustrated at the time.
>:x: Are you straight? Yes indeed dee doo (that sounded gay)
>:x: Where do you live? Onionville
>:x: 4 words that sum you up: My name is Andrea.
>:x: Wallet x: Brown zippered leather... mm..cow
>:x: Hairbrush = Bristles and a handle... and stuff
>:x: Toothbrush = bristles and a handle and it moves by itself
>:x: Jewelry worn daily = watch
>:x: Pillow cover = plaid or blue
>:x: Blanket = plaid
>:x: Coffee cup = I have several.Do you want me to describe them all?
>:x: Sunglasses = Lost. Have you seen them?
>:x: Shoes = with shoelaces...
>:x: Handbag = N/A
>:x: Favorite top = meh, anything that doesnt make me look fat
>:x: CD in stereo right now = Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted, Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights, The Dears - No Cities Left
>:x: What you are wearing now = Black tank top with white zip up thing with jeans
>:x: Hair = swooshed at the sides (i dunno how to describe it)
>:x: Make up = stuff
>WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -
>:x: In my mouth = my finger
>:x: In my head = Hopefully my brain.
>:x: Wishing = To eat soon
>:x: After this = Olivia's mom's minister barbecue (she doesnt cook them, just for them).
>:x: Talking to = Lauren, she's busy though
>:x: Eating = Nothing
>:x: Fetishes = I like 'em NAKED
>:x: Person you wish you could see right now = My mom holding food out to me
>:x: Is next to you= Lauren playing slutty girl volleyball on the computer
>:x: Something you're looking forward to in this up coming month = FUN IN THE SUN
>:x: Something that you are deathly afraid of? = Meh
>:x: Do you like candles = Sure.
>:x: Do you like hot wax = No
>:x: Do you like incense = No
>:x: Do you like the taste of blood = No.
>:x: Do you believe in love = Yeah
>:x: Do you believe in soul mates = No
>:x: Do you believe in love at first sight = No..
>:x: Do you believe in forgiveness: Yes
>:x: Do you believe in God: I believe there was once/is some sort of supernatural being somewhere.
>:x: What do you want done with your body when you die: Cremated to solve the problem of people not decomposing anymore.
>:x: Who is your worst enemy?: READ: number...
>:x: If you could have any animal for a pet = an otter
>:x: What is the latest you've ever stayed up = All night.
>:x: Ever been to Belgium?: Nope - but Ive had the waffles
>:x: Can you eat with chopsticks: Yes
>:x: What's your favorite coin?: the dime
>:x: What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?: meh
>:x: What are some of your favoUrite pig out foods?: crispy minis
>:x: whats something that you wish people would understand?: I'M NOT LAZY, JUST ANEMIC
>:x: What's something you wish you could understand better?: [enter something deep here]
>:x: Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? : Erin
>:x: Something you want to make happen for tomorrow?: SLEEP IN

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

My GOD, yip's fun depot is amazing

by Corn Syrup and Milky Puppy

When dialing a number, only hit every second number.

Call anyone late at night when you don't have a watch. When they tell you the time, yell "Sucker" and run.

Phone your next door neighbour, start complaining about how they never cut the grass. When they go out to cut the grass, watch some T.V.

When you want a big long distance bill, phone someone in England. Ask if they want to hear their granddaughter speak, then put the phone down. You will only need to pick up the phone and say, "Can you hear her yet?" every few hours.

Phone someone who you know has rotary dialing and push your touch tone buttons until they start to cry.

Phone the fire department, and try and carry out a whole conversation without either party using the word "fire" once.

When someone asks for your phone number, just tell them their own phone number. They will always get a busy signal when they call you.

Sit and watch your telephone for a few hours. It will start to think it is a television.

Call someone who you know isn't going to be home, when no one answers, hang up.

In the mid-afternoon, start phoning people in India and China. When they answer, tell them to fuck off.

Lip sync for a while.

Pick up your phone and dial any old number. Ha get it. ANY OLD NUMBER!

Answer your phone, if it turns out to be your teacher from grade school, ask her how she's been and stuff, invite her over for dinner, she will like you.

Call every name in the phone book and ask if they were the one who phoned you earlier. If they say no, act offended.

Call anyone. Ask "Do you know who this is?" When they say no, say "oh well" and leave.

Wear an "I Hate Telephones" t-shirt, and use the phone all day long. It will be so confused.

Go out to dinner at this fancy resturant. When the waiter approaches you with one of those black phones and says "Phone call for you, Mr. James", tell him you're not Mr. James.

Install dynamite in your cat's brain, and hook it up to a small device you carry with you. When the phone rings, hit the button, and as your cat's head explodes, say loudly, "Gee, I wonder who that is!"

Phone up someone and tell them you are a fax machine, then fax them some old World War II documents. When someone calls and asks for someone, ask them what it's in regards to. Then continue to ask them to be more specific until they finally can't be any more specific, then hang up.

Call the operator and ask to speak to someone who has been dead for a while. When she informs you that the person is dead, offer her $50 and ask again.

Phone up someone and tell them you're some guy, when they ask you why, kill them.

Call someone from your car phone and then drive off a cliff.

Phone someone up who has never used a phone before, ask them if they like phones, when they say "This is my first time", say to them "WELL, IT WON'T BE YOUR LAST". Cackle and then hang up.

Call someone. When they pick up, give them a mean look until they give in, then take the baked goods to the cellar.

When your phone rings, lift a bunch of weights (about 20), answer it, sound exhausted, when they ask you why you're so exhausted, tell them you were just at McDonalds.

Sunday, June 15, 2003

Sea Monkey Love
by Milky

It was in the winter of my fourteenth year that I fell in love with a sea monkey. The affair began on Christmas morning, after all the presents were unwrapped and I decided to give the new Sea Monkeys a whirl. I filled the plexiglass container with water and dumped in the Sea Monkey seeds.

"Life from dried seeds," I thought. "How beautiful."

The kit came with a magnifying glass, and thank god it did, otherwise I would never have seen... her. Using the magnifying glass I could barely make out my new friends. They were pinkish-white, perhaps a square millimeter in size. They wiggled about and sunk to the bottom so gracefully I thought I might burst into tears with joy.

That's when I first caught sight of Augule. She was swimming and diving and plummeting with everyone else, on their beautiful quest for the bottom of the plexiglass container. She was with the others, but strangely apart. She was radiant, and had a perfect body, about .7mm tall, and her measurements were .4mm x .3mm x .3mm, exactly the way I like 'em.

I tried to act nonchalant at first. "Hey. You're kinda cute," I said to her. She appeared to blush and turn away.

I abandoned the cool act, it wasn't working for me. "I need you! I'll die without you! You are everything that matters in my life!" I yelled. My parents looked at me nervously from the other room, and I gave them that "I'm-just-rehearsing-for-a-school-play" smile. "They wouldn't understand our love," I explained to Augule.

Augule was speechless, overwhelmed by my passion.

"I know. I know. You don't have to say anything, it's alright. I know we're different, because you're a sea monkey and I'm human, but that means NOTHING!! We can cross those bridges!" I yelled, near tears.

My father now walked in from the living room. "What're you up to there, sport?" he asked.

And now, in the heat of passion, I turned around and yelled at him, "I'm in love, Dad! You can't stop it so don't even try! Just because she's a sea monkey doesn't mean she's incapable of love!"

My father's mouth opened slightly. He just stood there, confused. After a moment, he said, "Don't talk to your sea monkeys anymore, or we'll have to take them away." He walked away.

Now, sobbing, I turned back to Augule and let her in on the horrible news. "It's just like Romeo and Juliet!" I sobbed. "They don't understand! They can't understand, they can't feel the passion between us!"

She had now reached the bottom of the plexiglass container, and seemed to be lying still at the bottom. I could only imagine her sorrow, knowing how females are more sensitive than males.

"Before they try to tear us apart," I gasped, "I want to kiss you, just once."

She was speechless. I ran off and found a pair of tweezers. I slowly reached in and raised her limp body to my lips. It was beautiful. I quickly lowered her back in the water, knowing that she would suffocate without it. I now began to bawl my eyes out.

My father rushed in and grabbed the plexiglass container. Before I realized what he was doing, he had poured my life force down the drain. "NO!!" I screamed. "You CAN'T!!" He could, of course. He already had. I simply did not realize this at the time.

I began to consider how exactly I would commit suicide. A butterknife through my skull seemed the most practical, although I liked the glamourous aspect of swallowing lava straight from a volcano. It was then that I looked up, and saw my dad staring into the sink in a daze.

"Yes," he mumbled, "I'll let you go if you kiss me."

Then it hit me! Augule was erasing the beauty of our relationship, by making a pass at my father! I ran to the sink and turned on the faucet. torrents of liquid death spewed out of the tap, sending the sea monkeys swirling down the drain to hell!

"SLUT!!" I screamed, and I collapsed on the floor, my life wasted by a cheap sea whore.

Sunday, June 08, 2003

With exams coming up and all, I've decided I should leave this baby for a while - just until things calm down a little. For now, I will leave you with animated .gifs to entertain you people with.

How bloody annoying.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

R.I.P Munch
I'll miss you, little buddy.

She died sometime this afternoon, for those who care about my poor little guinea pig. The cause is unknown, but I assure you, I took good care of her. She died peacefully, I assume, with Mimi by her side. I think she was about 5 years old... I think - I never knew her birthday. At least she didn't die alone.

Well, everything has a beginning and an end.

EMO and it's People

Where to start, where to start? Well, first off, Emo (or emotional) isn't even a real genre, record companies threw the name together to segregate music styles, once again. Then, somewhere along the lines of being a wussy genre, it stopped having to do with music and now it's a lifestyle. Everywhere, you see people wearing ironic t-shirts, messenger bags and horn-rimmed glasses, which, by the way, was stolen from the indie lifestyle. It's not hard to find these emo kids on the internet - they are the ones that take their own pictures, hike up the contrast until they are the colour of the whites of their eyes, and have a depressed look on their face - plus, their glasses.


But back to the music - emo is the most general genre ever created. According to the Alternative Music site, emo music has "emotional lyrics about sadness, love and even anger." Oh helpful, you just explained every single band in the history of music. Fuck, even the emo kids themselves don't even know who is crammed into this genre anymore. People often mistake me, myself, as an emo chick, but let me tell you, I am as emo as I am a thug or princess or Remy Shand (who the hell knows what he is). All this confusion is making me sick - just get rid of the fucking genre already.

Emo is for weenies.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Smut for "Animal Lovers"

Ever since the internet popped up, it became the international tool to whack off/blow your load/jack off/get off/smack your monkey/etc. Porn sites here, porn sites there. It's readily available and easy to hide from fellow co-workers or family members. With every good thing, comes about 10 bad. In this case, fetish sites galore. Mature women, farm animals, bondage, (pre-)teens and, of course, furries.

Furries are not like these other fetishes (except maybe farm animals). They are mostly hand-drawn and not at all realistic considering they are half-human half animal. From what I've seen, they tend to stick more to the big cat family, for some reason. These furries are drawn in scantily clad outfits or, in a lot of cases, nothing at all. Still have no clue what I'm talking about? Here's a mild example of a furry drawing:

Gross, huh?

For all of you who are saying "Aw, but Andrea, it's cute. Look at it, it's so cute", I spit on you. Does it not freak the fuck out of you that a fucking tiger has D-cup tits? And human hair? And a fucking space gun? Fine, not scared yet?

What the fuck? Are those pubes?

She's naked. See? There is worse stuff, I promise you, but I just don't want a bunch of furries at my site wanking.

Sunday, June 01, 2003


Does anyone else think this movie sounds like some pedophile related porn film? Couldn't they have chosen a better name to show that Rugrats will be coming across the Thornberrys? Like, how about The Wild Thornberry's Meet a Bunch of Babies and Their Dog who has an English Accent for Some Reason? Hmm... I guess they're looking for something a little shorter. Okay, then... how about Cartoon Crossover + Talking Animals = A Bunch of Fucking Kids in the Movie Theatre? Still too long?
Nickelodeon Needs Cash Desperately.