The Morning Paper
[Temporarily] Suspended

My Apologies
I'm incredibly thoughtless and lazy.



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Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Christmas Light Decoration Punctuated By Gunfire

Wednesday, November 28, 2001

VANCOUVER, Wash. (AP) -- James Craig Wilson planned to spend the afternoon decorating for the holidays.

Instead, upset by mishaps with his outdoor Christmas lights, he grabbed his .45-caliber pistol and began firing into the ground behind his suburban home.

He ended up in the Clark County Jail on suspicion of reckless endangerment.

Wilson, 47, told sheriff's deputies he started getting angry when he found the lights were tangled. His wife had balled them up and tossed them in the garage after last Christmas, he said.

As he tried to unroll the string of lights in his driveway, his daughter returned home and drove over the lights.

Wilson told his wife not to be alarmed while he shot off some rounds in the back yard to let off steam. He sent his daughter across the street to tell a reserve deputy who lives there that no one had been hurt.

Soon after, five deputies arrived and arrested him.

"I thought discharging my gun would help me discharge my anger," Wilson said. "I guess I'm going to lose my concealed weapons permit."

Monday, November 24, 2003

Change is good...

Easier on the eyes, no?

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Indian monkeys go to war on smokers

A group of 14 monkeys appear to be staging a bizarre campaign against smokers at a building in India.

According to reports, the monkeys march around the Sahara India building in Patna in single file and deliver a sharp slap to anyone found smoking.

Witnesses say the creatures have surrounded 'offenders' and even emptied their pockets of cigarettes. On one occasion they started smoking the cigarettes themselves, and began to cough and splutter.

One office worker named only as Anuj told The Hindustan Times: "They have terrorized the entire neighbourhood. They enter offices and sit on the vacant chairs and flap through official files and no-one ever dare disturb them."

Deepak Kochgaway, a senior reporter at the Rashtriya Sahara newspaper, says the monkeys live in the building's pipes. "I have informed the police and the authorities about the monkey trouble," he said.

"No-one dares to carry cigarettes in their pockets, let alone smoke. Everyone is afraid of getting accosted by the monkeys.

Office workers have tried to appease the monkeys with bananas and sweets, but have been ignored.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Death Knell

Having just read Greg's post, I almost don't want to post this. Almost.

My Great Aunt Mary suffered a portion of her life ridden with cancer and all the baggage that goes with it. "You had a good run" the doctors said to her about 2 weeks ago while suggesting they pull the plug on her. She didn't give up though, not yet. She underwent surgery to remove the tumor in her brain but even though they were able to remove the entire tumor, her will to fight the cancer faded. The doctors said she would only live a couple more hours Wednesday night. At 2:30 Thursday morning, she passed away, proving the doctors wrong one last time.

She was the twin sister to my Great Uncle Peter, who also passed away this year. I never got to know her well because of the distance between her and my family. The distance factor also keeps me from several cousins, aunts and uncles. I can't even list my cousins by name.

Now, my entire family now realizes how much we need to cherish the family members we still have given our history with cancer.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Sean Connery comes top in virginity poll

Sean Connery has come top of a celebrity poll - claiming he lost his virginity at eight-years-old.

Other household names were much older - Madonna says she was 15 when she slept with a married man and Gail Porter says she was 18, adding that it didn't last very long.

The time factor was also uppermost in Vic Reeves' mind. He told Chat magazine: "I can't remember when but it lasted 15 seconds".

Meanwhile, Chris Tarrant took his time before his first sexual experience saying he became "a real man aged 21 or 22 in a Mini parked somewhere in Birmingham."

Chris added: "I was so out of my head I couldn't remember the girl's name the next day."

Spice Girl Mel C says she was the legal age of 16 when she lost her virginity, adding that she had sex for the first time with her then boyfriend "on the bunk bed I used to share with my brother."

Disastrous first encounters struck - among others - Michelle Collins. She said: "He was a regular boyfriend but when it happened it was awful. My virginity was something I'd hung onto, but in the end I just thought: "There it goes."