The Morning Paper
[Temporarily] Suspended

My Apologies
I'm incredibly thoughtless and lazy.



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Friday, January 16, 2004

Deer Dear Diary...

Yeah baby, I've started a Dream Diary because I am just that cool. Seeing as how I never used to be able to remember my dreams and now I can, I best make a record of these babies.

I would make this my dream diary except that I don't trust strangers with just anything, you see. Dreams are tres personal and easy to misinterpret. Therefore, you will never be able to take a peek into my psyche!

HA! But seriously, back off.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Robbery at the Cook House

That’s right, my family was robbed. My father’s bike and his BMW’s summer tires will most likely never be seen again. But that’s not what bothers me.


I feel so… I’m not sure. Violated, maybe… something along those lines. I mean, I’ve been living in this little hazy bubble thinking no crime could be committed in this small town. But here it is. It finally hits me and I don’t know what to think. I can hear the footsteps of the officer overhead, checking things out. He’s a nice man, really, but he can’t do much for us.

You know what scares me the most? All my life, we’ve always relied on our dog to be our means of protection, but Murphy’s old now, he sleeps though anything and everything and we still rely on him. I guess my family will finally see that a real security system is the only way to go. Forget opening our windows in the middle of a hot summer night, it ain’t gonna happen anymore. It’s over.


Saturday, January 03, 2004

One Year in the Making...

Happy Birthday, Morning Paper, you are officially 1 year old. It's been a while and we've all changed. Especially you, baby. Especially you. At first you were a record of the daily events of my life; then you became a place for me to express my genuine anger towards pointless subjects; then you became a mix of the two, plus sometimes having a weird article copy and pasted here and there.

Ah, the memories.

Saturday, January 04, 2003

My younger sister is hammering on the wall for reasons unknown. Decorating my dog's bed perhaps. Certainly annoying me.
[Edit: She was hanging up a calendar for my dog.]

Monday, January 13, 2003

It's official, my mother is a lunatic. According to her, the bible and some crazy lady on the radio, the end is near. Mostly, mother dear blames it on George W. Bush and the meteor hurdling towards earth. What great conversations to have with my sister, an eleven year old.

Thursday, January 30, 2003

I also get my glasses today. I'm debating on whether or not to wear them to a movie tonight. Let's see, am I sexier with or without my glasses? Hmm... neither. I'm not sexy at all. I'm about as sexy as Rosie O'Donnell in her prime. Wait, she didn't have a prime.

Oh no, maybe this was it.

Saturday, March 15, 2003

What's with the advertising companies throwing in things like "eXtreme", "MAX" and "X-Treme" everywhere? Seriously, do people actually fall for these things? Do the advertising companies really believe everyone will believe they're taking a risk by biting into a KitKat MAX?

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

A couple weeks ago, I had the misfortune of trying out the new McChicken McFajitas or whatever the Mcfuck they're called. First off, the claim "all white meat" wasn't too far off. The only thing is, it's so white you could blind an albino.

Sunday, June 01, 2003

RUGRATS GO WILD! Does anyone else think this movie sounds like some pedophile related porn film?

Well, what a crazy-messed-up year it's been. Thank you faithful readers for reading... and stuff. Peace out.